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你大概想表达的意思:
我每天早上都会写下自己的目标,然后大声朗读目标,可以帮我提升我的能量。
这种能量就像一种信念,相信自己可以,往往会有意外的惊喜。
不会组织语言的人说的:
I write my goals every morning. Then I read them out aloud.
This makes me get more power.
This energy is like belief. I believe I can do it ! And there will be some surprise.
问题:
1、用词和搭配不准确,write后面最好加上down,write down 写下; Then I read them out aloud 不对,可以去掉out或者去掉aloud; get more power 中power不太准确,可以用energy;另外make me get 有点重复,可以直接说This makes me more powerful
2、句型单一,信息也比较简单
TED中超强组织语言
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I write down my goals every morning. Starting off my day by reading them aloud gives me a powerful boost of positive energy. And this energy can be transmuted into something we call faith.
我每天早上都会写下自己的目标。通过大声朗读这些目标来开启新的一天,这给予我强大的积极能量提升。而这种能量能够转化为我们称之为 “信念” 的东西。
Believing in my ability, having faith in myself, and trusting in a higher power—these elements combined will take me to places I can't even imagine.
相信自己的能力,对自己怀有信心,并且信赖一种更强大的力量 —— 这些因素结合起来会带我去到我甚至无法想象的境地。
完整视频