第66期 How to have constructive conversations （3）

For someone trained in formal debate, it is so tempting to run headlong at the disagreement. In fact, we call that clash and in formal argumentation, it's a punishable offense if there's not enough of it. But I've noticed, you've probably noticed, too, that in real life, that tends to make people shut down, not just from the conversation, but even from the relationship.

进行过正式辩论训练的人很容易把有据的辩论，直接变成冲突。事实上，在正式的辩论中，没有提供有效证据的发言，是会受到惩罚的。但是我想我们都注意到了，在实际生活中，谈话中的冲突，人们更倾向于封闭自己，这不止影响到谈话，甚至会影响到彼此的关系。

It's actually one of the causes of unfriending, online and off. So instead, you might consider a technique made popular by the Hollywood producer Brian Grazer, the curiosity conversation. And the whole point of a curiosity conversation is to understand the other person's perspective, to see what's on their side of the fence.

无论在网络还是现实生活中，这都是影响彼此关系的原因之一。所以我们应该如何做呢？好莱坞制片人布莱恩·格雷泽，提出了一种方法，叫做“好奇交谈”。好奇交谈的主要目的，就是尽可能地倾听交谈方的观点，理解对方到底在表达什么。

And so the next time that someone says something you instinctively disagree with, that you react violently to, you only need one sentence and one question. I never thought about it exactly that way before. What can you share that would help me see what you see? What's remarkable about curiosity conversations is that the people you are curious about tend to become curious about you.

所以下次交谈的时候，如果你听到某些跟你意见不同的观点，当你本能地想立即反驳时，你只需要这样说：“我从没以这个角度考虑过这个问题”。“你是否可以分享更多，让我理解你的想法呢？”“好奇交谈”的显著成效是，你在谈话中表现出的好奇心，也会使对方对你产生好奇。

Whether it's a friendly Australian gentleman, a political foe or a corporate rival, they begin to wonder what it is that you see and whether they could see it to. Constructive conversations aren't a one-shot deal. If you go into an encounter expecting everyone to walk out with the same point of view that you walked in with, there's really no chance for progress.

无论对方是友好的澳大利亚人、政敌或商业对手，他们开始好奇你是如何看待问题，他们是否也能够理解你的角度。“建设性谈话”不是一次性解决矛盾。如果展开一次谈话的时候，你期待每个人都跟你的想法一致，那就会失去进步的可能性。