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当你大概想表达的意思:
我小时候性格大胆,外向。
我记得六岁的时候,我有一个很喜欢的保姆叫安珀。一天早上妈妈跟我说,因为经济问题,我们不能再请保姆照顾我们了。
于是那天下午我创办了自己第一家“公司”,我捡来了很多石头,在石头上绘画上色,然后挨家挨户卖给邻居。最后成功挽留了保姆安珀。
不会组织语言的人说的:
When I was a little kid, I was very brave and outgoing.
I remember when I was six years old, I had an aunt named Amber, and I liked her very much.
One morning, my mother told me, because we had no money, we couldn't let Amber take care of me anymore.
So in the afternoon, I started my first "company". I picked up many stones, drew on them. Then I went to every neighbor's home, and sold these stones to them. At last, I kept Amber staying with me.
点评:这段内容很日常化,也比较简单,除了保姆这个单词用错了,其他基本能表达清楚。保姆可以说:nanny/ˈnæni/ ,TED中用的是比较口语化的表达baby-sister,意思是保姆、临时保姆。另外下面划线的四个地方,有一些更好的表达方式,值得学习
TED中超强组织语言
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When I was young, I was bold, outgoing and fearless.
我小时候性格大胆、外向且无所畏惧。
I remember when I was six years old, I had a favorite baby-sitter, Amber. One morning, my mother told me we couldn't have her babysit because she didn't have enough money to pay her.
我记得六岁时,有一位我特别喜欢的保姆,名叫安珀。一天早上,妈妈告诉我,我们不能再请她来照顾我了,因为她没有足够的钱付给保姆。
So that afternoon, I started my first "company" — I gathered rocks from around the neighborhood, painted them with my art set, and went door to door, selling them to our neighbors. That night, it was Amber and me on the couch together.
于是那天下午,我创办了自己的第一家 “公司”—— 我从邻居家附近捡来石头,用我的绘画工具给它们上色,然后挨家挨户地把石头卖给邻居。那天晚上,我和安珀一起坐在沙发上。
完整视频